Thursday, May 26, 2011

Gleam what you will

"The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don't always.... soften the bad things. But vice versa - the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things or make them unimportant." Doctor Who, 2010
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Saturday, May 21, 2011

My ride in the paddy wagon

Today I was to run in the Ogden marathon. While I started and prepped for it, I only made it 9 miles before I asked for a ride to the finish.

My only reasoning would be that I never had a good clear mental image of myself finishing. I had many constraints that were making me nervous and anxious about it. The biggest being able to get to mile 17.3 before 4:30hrs. Of course that goes in hand with the fact that I've yet to develop speed. I barely maintain a 16 minute mile on a 3 mile run. So add not enough training to this list of constraints.

And for some reason being the last racer affected me this time. I've been last in numerous of races. That is not new to me. I can only assume that with such a long race that I just couldn't bear being the last. I didn't like that at an aid station they had gotten rid of all the liquids and I'd have to go 2 more miles for any. I panicked. I went the 2 miles but my performance decreased way too much. I didn't want to do it anymore.

Of course I'm going to do another one now though. I'll work on my training and get faster. But my heart is disappointed, as it should be, that I bowed out. I know that I'll always think of this race on all my others and that will help carry me through. Yet I'm extremely happy that those near and dear carried on without me and did a wonderful job. I'm jealous of you all.

But at least I got a new hair cut!!
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